I am slowly, VERY SLOWLY, coming out of the fog that has surrounded me since last Thursday. The dark mists are beginning to lessen. Every time I drive up to the ranch, it seems to get a little easier. It's when I sit and home and think about her that I burst into tears. I made a memorial for Beauty in her corral yesterday. I am sending her engraved halter to Joe at TB Friends, along with her pink lead rope. She didn't need a long one...she was so well behaved. I actually found 3 more last photos of her. She came the minute my husband and son called her name (see the red feed scoop?) She knew what that was for!
I have 4 other horses that need me right now. It has been VERY hot in the desert and in the 90's up on the ranch. The other horses are standing in their water troughs and Scout splashed water ALL OVER yesterday. My cousin, Valerie, the wonderful trainer who trained Beauty, is coming up tomorrow morning to help me work with Gigondas, who has turned into a very calm companion for me right now. None of her usual flighty stuff. She stands for me and lets me brush her. I did a bunch of chores yesterday before it got so hot I couldn't work any longer.
Thank you to everyone who sent your thoughts and prayers. It really helped me get through this very difficult time.
UPDATE: I always take a morning walk, especially now during the summer. This morning there were puffy clouds and some storm clouds gathering on the eastern horizon. As the sun was coming up, I looked up and there in the sky, were clouds in the shape of a running horse. To me, it looked like Beauty, with her mane flowing. I sat down on a rock and watched it for 10 minutes. The sun's rays shone right through it. Very moving. I hope it was Beauty telling me she is okay and just in a different place now. I watched it until it broke apart and moved on, just like Beauty did.
UPDATE: I always take a morning walk, especially now during the summer. This morning there were puffy clouds and some storm clouds gathering on the eastern horizon. As the sun was coming up, I looked up and there in the sky, were clouds in the shape of a running horse. To me, it looked like Beauty, with her mane flowing. I sat down on a rock and watched it for 10 minutes. The sun's rays shone right through it. Very moving. I hope it was Beauty telling me she is okay and just in a different place now. I watched it until it broke apart and moved on, just like Beauty did.
4 comments:
Cheryl,
I can only imagine your pain. Every horse I have lost was one we helped cross the rainbow bridge, not one that left on its own. I don't know if you ever stop missing them or forget about them. Something will come up and remind you of them, a memory, a smell, a touch...
I am glad your other horses are there to help you through this, it is amazing the empathy that they have for us humans.
Our prayers are with you and your herd.
Take care of yourself.
Lovely post - I am glad you have your other horses to be with and enjoy - perhaps that will ease the pain with time. I lost a very special horse, named Promise, at age 10 in 2001, and think of her often.
Of course it was Beauty!
If you know the story of how I met Panama, you know his mother was badly injured in a trailer accident, and I sat with her in the pasture, in the hot sun, for several hours while we waited for the vet and the owners to make up their minds on what to do. A horse I'd never seen before, and as of yet I didn't know I'd end up rescuing her yearling.
Anyway, when I went to bed that night, I dreamed of her running through a pasture -- only I was still awake. I always thought it was her way of thanking me. So yes, I believe it was Beauty you saw in the clouds. It was her way of saying goodbye.
Yes, I really do think it was her! I made a little memorial in her corral (there's no horse in it yet) and it has a photo of her. I stop and "talk" to her every day now. None of the other horses whinny when I drive up, like she did. I miss her warm personality.
Post a Comment